Ode to Insanity
by Silvermasque
Summary: Songphics or songfics or song phics of anything and everything! Chicago! Monty Python! Grease! Annie! Blink 182! The Llama song! Queen! Joseph! And the Aeroplane Jelly song! What's this? An Update? Never!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Phantom, not mine, computer, not mine, ability to finally post again...Finally Mine Again!

This was written in boredom in a free period, ifI get enough reviewsI may continue some others (hint hint)

Potifer Fop

Raoul the Fop had very few cares  
He was one of Parree's millionaires  
Having made a fortune buying shares in  
(Raoul) Opera Houses

Raoul the Fop had made some huge cash  
Won Miss Christine Daae with a heroic dash (As if!)  
Meant that he could really make a splash  
And he did  
(Raoul) And I did

Erik was a dark and tortured  
Monster who lived five floors under  
His beloved Opera house and loved Miss Christine Daae  
Raoul the Fop thought he was evil  
And so then he tried to kill him  
But Erik was a sexy beast  
And made out with Christine instead

Raoul the Fop was cool and so fine  
"But my wife would never toe the line"  
Its all there in Phanphic 39  
On Dont believe _everything_ you read dears

She was beautiful but Soprano  
Sang a lot with Erik on the low  
Raoul would often tell her that she was a ho  
(Erik) How dare he!

Erik's mask and tall dark figure  
Had attracted her attention  
Every evening she would beckon  
"Please take me from the Fop boy!"  
Erik knew he should resist her  
Till one day she grew too eager  
Erik cried with joy  
"Okay! I'll take you too Las Vegas!"

(Christine) About time

Raoul was brushing through his hair  
In his den below the bedroom  
When he heard a sing-song escape  
Sung stunningly above him  
Suddenly he knew his hair care  
Couldn't give him what he wanted  
Hair would never make him happy  
If she loved the Phantom

Letting out a girlish scream  
Raoul the Fop lost his hair cream  
"Erik I'll see you rot in -Ugh!"  
Punjabbing me in song is beyond the bar

Poor poor Fop boy whatcha gonna do?  
The Phantom's got your girl now  
Whatcha gonna do?  
Poor poor fop boy does no one really care?  
Things look bad for you now  
He's just messed up your hair  
He's just messed up your hair...

Bows to Andrew Lloyd Webber, no offense intended


	2. I Like Phanphic

Disclaimer: If I haven't owned it all this time previously…what makes you think its mine now? 

If I wasn't insane before, this definitely proves it. To the tune of "I like Chinese" by Monty Python, sung by Erik

I Like Phanphic 

The world today seems absolutely crackers.  
With burning my Opera House,  
And making the fop sing sky high.  
There's fops and managers  
Taking away my Christine  
Its depressing,  
And it's senseless,  
And that's why…

I like phanphic  
I like phanphic  
Their ideas are guaranteed to stick  
There's fop bashing, and love affairs, of Christine and Erik.

I like phanphic  
I like phanphic  
There's Five hundred something of them on this site today  
You'd better learn to like them or my lasso comes your way

I like phanphic  
I like phanphic  
They come from all over the seas  
But their cute, sometimes scary, but easy to please

I like phanphic food  
Their cookies ever are good  
Think of the many things they've done to impress  
There's singing, and music, and I beat Nadir at chess

I like phanphic  
Yes I like Phanphic  
Their adoration, is guaranteed to stick  
Their wanting, their glomping, cookies and Gerik

I like phanphic thought  
The wisdom that Raoul's a fraud  
If the endings are anything to shout about  
The phans ensure my survival, without any doubt

So I like phanphics  
I like phanphics  
My entrance will always make them Squee  
But they're wise and they're witty and they're ready to please

Wow the Music of the Night

Wow the Music of the Night

Wow the Music of the Night

Don Juan, my final, and great masterpiece!

I like phanphic  
I like Phanphic  
They're characters are guaranteed to please  
A Christine, An Erik, and Madame Giry

I like phanphic  
Yes I like Phanphic  
Their adoration, is guaranteed to stick  
Their wanting, their glomping, cookies and Gerik

I like phanphic

I like phanphic

(Fadeout…)


	3. Ballet Rats

Ballet Rats 

(Sung By Madame Giry, to the tune of Little Girls from Annie)

Ballet rats  
Ballet rats  
Everywhere I turn I can see them

Ballet Rats  
Ballet Rats  
Night and day I dance sleep and breathe them  
I'm just a ballet mistress  
With feelings  
I'd like Erik to nibble on my ear…(wouldn't we all)  
But I'll admit  
No Ghost has bit  
So how come, I'm the teacher  
Of the year?

Ballet pirouettes  
Ballet shoes  
Everything 'round me is…  
Ballet

If I break ballet legs  
I should be rewarded with a chalet!

Some divas are dripping with diamonds  
Some Phantoms aredeadly inblack  
Lucky me, lucky me  
Look at what I'm dripping with…  
Ballet rats

How I hate  
Ballet frocks  
Ballet points  
And each little tutu

I'd have snapped  
Years ago  
If it weren't for my  
Cane to hit you!

Someday  
I'll step on their costumes  
Some night  
I'll steal all their jewels  
Break a leg  
Snap a back  
Anything that you can do  
To ballet rats

Someday I'll land in the Fifth box  
With all the fops and the Phantoms  
There I'll stay, tucked away  
Until the prohibition of  
Ballet Rats


	4. When I grow up I want a Phantom

3. When I grow up I want a Phantom 

(Sung by a phangirl who wants to take Christine's place, to the tune of When I Grow Up I Want A Pony)

When I grow up I want an Opera  
With notes so that I can sing  
With a steamy duet  
That makes me sweat  
We can even drop the Chandelier

If you wrote an Opera,  
I wonder  
Could I be Christine?

When I grow up I want a Mirror  
That disappears so we can speak  
With a passage behind  
In which you'll hide  
So when I'm changing you can peek

If we had a mirror,  
I wonder  
Could I be Christine?

When I grow up I want a Phantom  
With a mask all over his face  
With an underground lair  
And black cloak so fair  
He'll be dark but his song makes my heart race

If you were a Phantom,  
I wonder,  
Could I be Christine?

When I grow up I'll be a diva  
With a crowd that wants more than I'll give  
Then I'll sneak downstairs  
Into your lair  
Cos that's where I plan to live

If I was a diva,  
I wonder,  
Could you be my O.G.?


	5. Get the Bal Masque Started

5. Get the Bal Masque Started 

(Sung by Red Death to the tune of Get the Party Started by Pink)

I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started

Get Masquerade started  
On a New Years Eve night  
Everybody's waiting for me to arrive  
Sending out the death threats to those about to expire  
I'll be looking lethal in my Red Death attire  
I got lotsa style with my sword that's deadly  
Drop the fop into my chamber if you know what I mean

I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started

Orchestra's got volume breaking down to the beat  
Step onto the Stairway I'll be checking the scene  
Everybody's freaking as they all see my mask  
You'd best perform my Opera or I'll be kicking your ass!  
Threaten all the actors as I reveal my Opera  
Mask is looking stunning number one Red Death Star

I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started

Get the Bal Masque started

Making my connections as I enter the room  
Everybody's freezing as I  
Walk down the stairs of Doom (dun! dun! dun!)  
Give them all my Opera for Christine to sing  
Everybody's staring and they're lusting for me  
I'm you Opera Ghost you can sing anytime  
I'll be your connection to the diva line

I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started  
I'm coming out  
So you better get the Bal Masque started

Get the Bal Masque started  
Get the Bal Masque started right now  
Get the Bal Masque started  
Get the Bal Masque started  
Get the Bal Masque started right now

(Evil laugh)


	6. When your good to Phantom

4. When you're good to Phantom 

(Sung by Erik, to the tune of When You're Good to Mama, from Chicago)

Ask any of the rats within my house  
They'll tell you I'm the cat and they're the mouse  
I threaten them and all of them fear me  
Because the system works  
The system called…  
Notes that are threatening

Got a little hobby  
Always sees me through  
If you're good to Phantom  
My lasso won't get you

There's a lot of Evil  
I'm prepared to do  
If you cast Carlotta  
I'll come and Punjab you

They say that life is star for rat  
And that's the way I haunt  
So I deserve your ballet rats  
For what I've got to flaunt  
Don't you know that this hand  
Tightens my lasso?  
When you're good to Phantom  
Phantom's good to you!

If you want my Opera  
Then fear my lasso  
Come on, cough up my salary  
Or I'll take Christine from you

When I drop the Chand'lier  
Know I mean business too  
If you don't obey my orders  
My Punjab comes for you

The girls that are the divas  
Are the ones the world adores  
So get out of Box 5 you fop!  
Or you'll be headless on the floor

Let's all stalk together  
Like the phangirls do  
When you're stalking Phantom  
Phantom's stalking you

So what's the steamy finale?  
I can bring my Opera to?  
When you're good to Phantom  
Phan-tom's good to you…


	7. Phantom Craze

7. Fiction Days 

(The lament of a phangirl neglecting her own fiction in favour of the world of phantasy. To the tune of Those Canaan Days, from Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat)

Do you remember  
Original fiction  
Our writing was endlessly good  
Finalised, edited plotlines  
With stories born from our youth.

We'd stroll down the storyboards together  
And characters round us were fine  
But now the old stuff's dead and bare  
There's fop's and Phantom's everywhere  
And now we find we have no real plot lines

Original tales  
We used to pen  
Where have they gone?  
Why have they fled?  
So now, our minds are hazed  
Thanks to the Phantom craze (Dun!)

Do you remember those wonderful heroes  
The splendour of the bad guys ingénue  
Extravagant, elegant poems  
That matched Donaldson and Tolkien  
It's funny, but since we found Erik  
We've written the other extreme  
No one reads our fiction now  
We just write phanphic anyhow  
We find that we are missing our own dreams

Original tales  
We used to pen  
Where have they gone?  
Where have they fled?  
And now, our minds are hazed  
Thanks to, the Phantom craze (Dun!)

Its funny, but since we found Erik  
We've written the other extreme  
Though Erik is a sexy lad  
And very angsty when he's mad  
I find that I am missing my own (hum, hum, hum) dreams

Original tales  
We used to pen  
Where have they gone?  
Where haaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave  
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaave they fled?  
And now, our minds are hazed  
Thanks to, the Phantom craze (Dun!)

No Offense meant Erik, but inspiration called


	8. We'd like to thank you Master Phantom

8. We'd like to thank you Master Phantom

(Sung by a chorus of phangirls, to the tune of We'd like to thank you Herbert Hoover, from Annie)

(All)  
Today we're living in phanphiction  
Today we're forgetting the date

(Phangirl 1)  
Today I'm posting a new chapter  
Who knew I'd update?

(Phangirl 2)  
I used to go out in the evenings

(Phangirl 3)  
I used to know the footy score

(Phangirl 4)  
I used to read all of the papers

(All)  
We don't anymore!  
We'd like to thank you Master Erik  
For really teasing us this way  
We'd like to thank you Master Erik  
You sang us how we are today

Originality was round the corner  
A cosy story starring two  
In this net heaven,  
That you gave us  
Yes!  
We all mean you!

They offered us Michael and Gerik  
We drooled a lot and then we chose  
Not only did we drool a fair lot  
We stole all their clothes!

In every tale you said a story  
But Master Phantom he forgot  
Not only don't we have a story  
We ain't got the plot!  
Hey Erik

(Phangirl 1)  
You left behind some desp'rate phangirls

(Phangirls 2 and 3)  
O.G. our masks are off to you  
We're up to here with desperation

(Phangirl 4)  
Come down so we can all glomp you

(All)  
Come down and share some fine phanphiction  
Be sure to bring Miss Daae too  
We've got no boyfriends of our own now  
I guess we'll take you!  
We'd like to thank you Master Erik  
For really singing us away  
You lousy host you sexy Ghost you  
Sang us  
What we  
Are to-day

Come and get it Angel!


	9. Cellfop Tango

Cellfop Tango 

(Sung by the Cast of the Phantom of the Opera, to the tune of Cellblock Tango from Chicago)

Haley: I dont normally reply on this, but just so you know, i did not steal your idea, and yours will probably be better than mine. This was written one night after work, when i could not sleep and was over exhausted

Fop  
Twit  
Cane  
Punjab  
Suitor? No!  
Vitcomte

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Took a soprano in her prime  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder, but not a crime!

(Carlotta)  
You know how peopla hav dose little habitss dat get you down?  
Lika de Chagny  
De Chagny liked to play wit his 'air  
No not play  
Fuss!  
So I come to mya dressink room one night and I'ma looking for little bit of singing  
And there's de Chagny  
Sitting at _mya_ dresser  
Talaking to his dolls anda playing  
No not playing  
Fussing!  
So I said to him I said youa fussing wit your 'air ona mora time and I'll…  
(Sigh) and he did  
So I took the fopgun from the wall and I fired two warninge shots  
In. To. 'Is. 'Ead.

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Took a soprano in her prime  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder but not a crime!

(Meg Giry)  
I met Raoul de Chagny from Paris about two years ago  
And he told me he didn't like ponies  
We hitted off right away  
So we started hanging out together  
He'd go be a Vitcomte (whatever that entitled)  
He'd come to the Opera, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner  
And then I found out  
Didn't like ponies? Didn't like ponies my ass!  
Not only did he like them, oh no  
He had six white ones  
So that night, when he came home from work  
I fixed him his drink…as usual  
Y'know some fops just can't hold their arsenic

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Took a soprano in her prime  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder but not a crime!

(Madame Giry)  
I'm teaching in the Opera house  
Minding my own business  
When in storms the de Chagny  
You let Christine go off with the Phantom? He says  
He was crazy  
And he kept on screaming  
You let Christine go off with the Phantom!  
Then he got hit with my cane  
He got hit with my cane ten times

He had it coming  
(Fop!)  
He had it coming  
(Twit! Cane!)  
Took a soprano in her prime  
(Punjab! Suitor? No! Vitcomte!)  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder but not a crime!

(Erik the Phantom, translated for your convenience)  
I fell in love with Christine from the moment I first heard her sing  
But that pretty excuse for a fop boy kept getting in the way  
We both hated him  
And found him useless  
I kept my Punjab lasso ready day and night  
Until one day he just, disappeared  
(Wide eyed phangirls) Yeah, but did ya do it?  
(With a disgusted look) Of course! 100 guilty!

(Phangirls all dreamy) He had it coming…

(Christine)  
At the Opera house I had this diva act see?  
And my suitor Fop Boy followed me around because of it  
So this one night I'm down in the lair  
Me and Erik  
Singing away, having a few caresses  
When there's a noise upstairs, so I slip up to check it  
I go through the mirror, look around  
And there's Raoul in my diva costume  
Singing from Act 3  
Well I was in such a state of shock I can't even remember a thing  
It wasn't until later  
When Erik and I were washing the blood off our hands  
We even got to celebrate he was dead

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Took a soprano in her prime  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder but not a crime!

(Andre and Firmin)  
We needed Raoul as a patron more than we could possibly say  
He was the rich type  
A Vitcomte  
But he was always trying to make off with our sopranos  
He'd show up every night looking for them  
And on the way  
He tried Carlotta, Piangi, Meg Giry,  
And Christine  
I guess you could say he's no longer alive because of managerial differences  
He saw himself as our dipwit patron  
We saw him dead

The dirty fop! Fop! Fop! Fop! Fop!  
The dirty fop! Fop! Fop! Fop! Fop!

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Took a soprano in her prime  
He was annoying  
And so we killed him!  
It was a murder but not a crime!

You fuss with that hair one more time…  
Six ponies  
He got hit with my cane  
Punjab  
Suitor? No!  
Vitcomte


	10. You're my muse

You're my Muse 

(Sung by one of the many phangirls with Erik as her muse, to the tune of I Miss You by the awesome boys of Blink182)

Hey Erik  
The Angel of my Music  
The shadow in the background of the stage  
Bouquet makes a great victim  
Of Punjab's in the darkness  
We can live beneath the Opera if you want  
Where you can always find me  
We'll write phanphictions at Christmas  
And when I write we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends

_You're my muse,  
My muse_

Where are you?  
Cos I've got writer's block  
I cannot sleep  
This scene it won't come right  
I need you with me and always  
This sick strange phicness  
Comes creeping on  
So haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
All of my reviewers  
Reading this and leaving great replies  
My indecision to cliff hang  
It's driving me from reason  
Will you come home and help me write tonight?  
And help me write tonight?

Please spend  
Your time with me  
You're already  
The muse inside my head

_You're my muse,  
My muse_

Please spend  
Your time with me  
You're already  
The muse inside my head

_You're my muse  
My muse_


	11. Opera Jazz

Opera Jazz 

(Sung by Miss Christine Daae, to the tune of All that Jazz, from Chicago)

Piss off fop  
Go home and paint your nails  
And Opera Jazz

Phantom can sing his song  
And steal my stockings now  
And Opera Jazz

Ride in the gondola  
Down to a lakeside spot  
Where the water's cold  
But the Phantom's hot!

It's just a sexy song  
And you can sing along  
And Opera Jazz

(Erik whispering)  
Phantom

And Opera Jazz

(Phan girls)  
Music  
of the  
Night!

And Opera Jazz

Flare your cape  
And wear your lacy costume  
And Opera Jazz

I hear the managers  
Are bringing all the booze  
And Opera Jazz

Hold on Phantom  
Come give your girl a hug  
Cos I've left Raoul  
Just want your  
Singing drug (sweet intoxication ring any bells?)  
Don't tear your face apart  
Let's give the bed a start  
And Op-  
-era

(Meg)  
Jazz!

Find a mask  
We're playing spin the noose  
And Opera Jazz

Red Death or the O.G.  
Oh please don't make me choose

Come on Erik up to Apollo's Lyre  
I betcha Angels of Music  
Never flew so high  
Because from way up here  
You could just lend an ear   
To Opera Jazz

Oh, you're gonna see your Christine  
Sing and quake  
And Opera Jazz

My stockings are missing  
Cos you made my garter's break  
So he wants me to sing his Opera  
But only if I'm his Aminta

(Managers)  
You should hear  
The fop boy squeal  
For Opera Jazz

Piss off fop  
Go home and paint your nails  
And Opera Jazz

Phantom can sing his song  
And steal my stockings now  
And Opera Jazz

Ride in the gondola  
Down to a lakeside spot  
Where the water's cold  
But the Phantom's hot!

It's just a sexy song  
And you can sing along  
And Opera Jazz

Oh, I'll be Erik's wife  
That's worth any strife  
And Opera Jazz


	12. Hotel Opera House

Hotel Opera House 

(Sung by Erik, to the tune of Hotel California by the Eagles

In a dark Opera fifth box  
Cobwebs everywhere  
And the old chandelier  
Rises up through the air

With the special effects scene  
Everything comes back bright  
My cloak is heavy and my frame is thin  
My mask is gleaming white

So I stood on the platforms  
Voices clear like a bell  
And I was thinking to myself  
How could Heaven, ever love Hell?  
Then her costume changed  
And her voice led the way  
She heard my voice behind the mirror door  
And she heard me say

Christine will you please sing my in Opera  
You'll be Aminta  
And I'll be Don Juan  
Steamy duets rampage in my opera  
Singing Don Juan  
Triumphant!

Her name is Christine, my Angel  
My love for her never ends  
She got a lot of pretty ballet rats  
That she calls friends  
And they dance round Carlotta  
On who I dropped a set  
Some dance in Il Muto  
Some dance as Odette

So I called up Mme Giry  
To deliver my lines  
She remembered rescuing me  
Back in 1869  
And still Christine is calling from far away  
As I lead her down my corridor  
I turn to her and say

Welcome to my house beneath the Opera  
Such a lovely place  
For my disfigured face  
Watch your step in the boat beneath the Opera  
What a nice surprise  
You look good in white

Mirrors in the chamber  
My touch is cold as ice  
(And I said) I reside as a prisoner here  
In my lonely life  
And in the torture chamber  
Where Bouquet once did swing  
I kiss her feet and beg her please,  
Will she but with me sing?

Welcome to my house beneath the Opera  
Such a lovely place  
For my disfigured face  
Watch your step in the boat beneath the Opera  
What a nice surprise  
You look good in white

Last thing I remember  
I was, crashing the Masquerade Ball  
I had to prove to my Christine  
That I loved her just as before  
"Relax" said the phangirls  
"We have got it rigged  
The Fop might fall into the  
Torture room  
But he can never leave!


	13. Galumph

Galumph  
(Everyone know the "Galumph went the little green frog one day" song? Well heres my rendition)

Galumph when the sexy O.G. one day  
Galumph went the angsty Red Death  
Galumph went the Angel of Music one day  
And the phangirls went glomp, glomp, glomp!

But…  
We all know Erik goes (clap) Music of the Night!  
(clap) Music of the Night!  
(clap) Music of the Night!  
But we all know Erik's go (clap) Music of the Night  
And the phans go glomp, glomp, glomp!

Galumph went the Vitcomte de Chagny one day  
Galumph went the fop boy Raoul  
Galumph went Christine's childhood friends one day  
And the phangirls went glomp, glomp, glomp!  
But…

We all know Fop's go (clap) Oh look my hair!  
(clap) Oh look my hair!  
(clap) Oh look my hair!  
We all know Fop's go (clap) Oh look my hair!  
And the phans go glomp, glomp, glomp!

La, la went Carlotta Budichelly one day  
La, la went Miss Carlotta  
La, la went the accented diva one day  
And the phans went "Drop the Set!"

But…  
We all know Carlotta's go (clap) Coo-aak!  
(clap) Coo-aak!  
(clap) Coo-aak!  
And the phans go "Drop the set!"

Think of me went Christine Daae one day  
Think of me went Little Lotte  
Think of me went the (other) Angel of Music one day  
And the phans went glomp, glomp, glomp!

But…  
We all know Christine should (clap) Go with the Phantom!  
(clap) Go with the Phantom!  
(clap) Go with the Phantom!  
We all know Christine should (clap) Go with the Phantom!  
And the phans go "It's about time!"

Hope I made you laugh


	14. Curtain Call

Curtain Call 

(Another Blink182 song, track 7 from Take off your pants and Jacket (I cant remember the title) Sung by anyone who would prefer Erik over her own meaningless existence. AndI have to say, this one is most probably my favourite)

It's hard to encore  
When the curtains are pulled shut  
This Opera's haunted  
By the Erik  
The Phantom sees us all

He's ripe with things to say  
His mask drops and falls away  
If this stupid song  
Makes him my own  
I'd sing it everyday

So here's your curtain call  
Hope you enjoyed my song  
You know I love you all  
In the night  
When day has fled and gone  
Know that, I need him here  
I have to hear his song  
In the night

Wish I could soothe his fears  
Been running for so many years  
Rather than go with Vitcomte  
I'd stay with Phantom  
He offers so much more  
I'd stay beside him every day  
I wouldn't run like Miss Daae  
Because with no Vitcomte  
Christine would not have flown  
The story should have run that way

So here's your curtain call  
Hope you enjoyed my song  
You know I love you all  
In the night  
When day has fled and gone  
Know that, I need him here  
I have to hear his song  
In the night


	15. The Muse of my Phanphiction

I swore to myself that I would never mutilate any of the Phantom's songs...but I've gone and done it anyway. I'm excusing myself on the grounds that Erik is my muse and I may therefore blame him...come to think of it...this one really is for him. Erik my love! For you! And pancakes to nomipoe for the "Angel of Phiction" come on, how could I resist?

_Authoress  
_In Chem he sang to me  
At work he came  
That voice inspires me  
To write again

And do I dream once more?  
For now I find  
The Muse of my Phan Phiction is there  
Inside my mind!

_Erik_  
Write once again with me  
Our strange phiclet  
My power over you  
Grows stronger yet  
Though you can't turn from me  
To sleep or eat  
The Muse of your Phan Phiction will never  
Let you be!

_Authoress  
_Those who have seen our phics_  
_Draw back in fear_  
_I am the one that writes

_Erik  
_It's me they hear

_Both  
_My/Your ideas and your/my words_  
_In one combined_  
_The Muse of your Phan Phiction is there_  
_Inside your/my mind

_Erik  
_In all your Phan Phictions_  
_You always knew_  
_Inspiration and ideas

_Authoress  
_Both came from you

_Erik  
_And in the mid of night_  
_I'm in your mind_  
_You know you want to write_  
_Deep down inside

Write my Angel of Phiction! Write for me!

_Phangirls  
_He's there the Muse of all Phanphiction!


	16. Comments

I swore to myself that I would never mutilate any of the Phantom's songs...but I've gone and done it anyway. I'm excusing myself on the grounds that Erik is my muse and I may therefore blame him...come to think of it...this one really is for him. Erik my love! For you! And pancakes to nomipoe for the "Angel of Phiction" come on, how could I resist? And now for something completely different. I'm not happy with Erik, so he's getting some abuse from me for this. I am in bold italics, and he is in bold)

_Authoress  
_In Chem he sang to me **_(I need to pass that damn subject! Why do you distract me?)  
_**At work he came **_(No wonder I'm not getting home till an hour after the store shuts each night!)  
_**That voice inspires me **_(In more ways than he's willing to comply with. Bastard)_**  
To write again **_(And again and again and again and again and...)_**

And do I dream once more? **(Knock, knock my dear, I have a new idea for you)**  
For now I find **_(Somewhere in the crazed neural pathways of my brain)_**  
The Muse of my Phan Phiction is there **_(At the moment he's on holiday because I started throwing things at him)_**  
Inside my mind! **_(I'm surprised you haven't gotten lost in there yet)_**

_Erik_  
Write once again with me **_(I don't really have much choice now do I?)_**  
Our strange phiclet **_(Or fricking 40 or 50 chapters!)  
_**My power over you **_(Exercise your power in more ways than one damnit!)_**  
Grows stronger yet **(None can resist my power!** **_Shut up you!)_**  
Though you can't turn from me **_(You're right I cant, happy?)_**  
To sleep or eat **_(Then why am I sitting at the computer with a tub of icecream?)_**  
The Muse of your Phan Phiction will never  
Let you be!**_ (You are an evil, evil bastard!-cries)_**

_Authoress  
_Those who have seen our phics_  
_Draw back in fear **(Its not my fault your hand writing is horrendous)**_  
_I am the one that writes**_ (And writes and writes and writes and...)_**

_Erik  
_It's me they hear **_(I beg your pardon, they cant hear you, its all written)_**

_Both  
_My/Your ideas and your/my words _**(While that sounds good, it looks really lame when its written)**  
_In one combined_** (No other combinations though, sadly)**  
_The Muse of your Phan Phiction is there_  
_Inside your/my mind **_(And he wont shut up!)_**

_Erik  
_In all your Phan Phictions _**(Except the ones not about you)**  
_You always knew **_(No I didn't, I couldn't even comprehend that it was you speaking and not Jacques. _That was just uncalled for)**_  
_Inspiration and ideas

_Authoress  
_Both came from you

_Erik  
_And in the mid of night _**(Its not the mid of night Erik, Its fricking 3 in the morning!)**  
_I'm in your mind _**(Don't suppose you'd be more comfortable in my bed?)**  
_You know you want to write_** (When my hand isn't cramping up, yes, other than that, no)**  
_Deep down inside

Write my Angel of Phiction! Write for me! **_(Do I have a choice?)_**

_Phangirls  
_He's there the Muse of all Phanphiction!


	17. You're loved by the Opera Ghost

14. You're loved by the Opera Ghost 

(For Christine, by Erik. I'm doing an awful lot of Blink182 songs at the moment, and here is another, I find them great for angst.)

It's all right  
To show me  
When you sing  
Think of me  
I wont try  
To argue  
When you sing  
You're soul through  
I'll make you, a diva  
If you just, believe in  
The Angel of Music   
The curtain  
Is falling now

The dance steps  
You retrace  
The Horror  
Of my face  
The timing  
And structure  
Of my favourite  
Opera  
A cape late  
A mask short  
I'm writing  
The Opera  
Seduction  
And singing  
The lights fall  
We're singing now

And you'll sing my Don Juan  
Not a ghost but a man  
Christine please take my hand  
Forgive my master plan  
And when the audience is gone  
And chandelier does fall  
This face is just my own  
You loved by the Opera Ghost

And maybe  
I'll see you  
At the mirror  
Sneak preview (wink, wink)  
You'll show up  
And walk by  
On the arm  
Of Fop boy  
And I'll weep  
And you'll crave  
Can't pretend  
Its ok  
Masquerade  
It won't last  
But if Fop's gone  
You might come back

And it'll happen once again  
You'll turn to a friend  
Not an Angel but a man  
Christine please take my hand  
When the audience is gone  
And we've sung the final song  
This face is just my own  
You're loved by the Opera Ghost


	18. Phantom Universe

**The Phantom Universe**

(From the marvellous lads of Monty Python, The Universe Song …this has got to be one of my most hilarious yet)

Whenever life seems a bit bland young miss Phan  
And things seem hard or tough  
And managers are stupid, senseless or daft  
And you feel that you've had quite enough

Just remember that you're standing  
In an Opera house involving,  
An Angel and a Phantom and a Fop  
Chandeliers fall at ninety feet a second  
So it's reckoned  
And on divas sets are fairly sure to drop

The Ghost and you and me  
And all the dancers we can see  
Are all singing bout a million songs a day  
With the dancer girls and chorus on forty thousand points an hour  
In this Opera we sing the Phantom's way

The Opera House itself  
Contains a hundred rising stars  
Each with as many hopes as Piangi's wide  
It bulges in the middle, with Christine Daae quite the stick  
And near the Phangirls all you'll ever hear is sighs.

They huddle five floors up  
From the Phantom's secret lair  
One of them fainting every  
Second the poor dears  
And these girls are only few of the millions of billions  
In this amazing and expanding Phantom world

_(Musical interlude that sounds like a merry-go-round song)_

The Phanphic world itself  
Keeps on expanding and expanding  
In all of the directions they can squee  
As fast as they can go  
To the sound of Don Juan you know  
One verse in every minute  
And that's the fastest squee there is

So remember when your feeling  
Very ignored and unreviewed  
How amazingly you've joined the Phantom rage  
But you'd better hope there's Phantom talent somewhere underground  
Cos there's bugger all up here on stage

-Bows Extravagantly- Ta da!


	19. Brava! Well Done!

My own spin on So Long, Farewell from The sound of Music. (Hee hee) Brought to you by your own legally insane Authoress. Enjoy!

There's a great big cliff-hanger at the end of the post  
And the reader's they all scream "Who?"  
But a square little button in the corner of the page  
Is spelling out the word "Review"

_Review_

_Review_

Regretfully it tells us  
But gratitude compels us  
To leave replies  
To you!

Brava! Well done! Please don't call it a night!  
I laughed! I cried! I really loved the fight!

(Do diddle-do do-do-do-do do diddle-do do-do)

Brava! Well done! I've read and now reviewed!  
My compliments to you and you and you!

(Do diddle-do do-do-do-do do diddle-do do-do)

Brava! Well done! You play a pretty game!  
I hope that soon your writing brings you fame!

(sigh, so do I, if phanphiction was a paying job I'd be a rich woman by now)

(Do diddle-do do-do-do-do do diddle-do do-do)

Brava! Well done! Cant believe you mentioned me  
Just Meeeee-eeeeeeeee-eeeeeeee-eeee!

I'm glad you post, I cannot tell a lie  
I dream, I weep, I laughed until I cried.

(Pretty spinnyful music)

The Writer's gone to bed and so must I  
Brava! Well done! It's time for us to fly

And Write! And Write! And Write!

(Authoress) And write!


	20. I think I'm gonna sing well here

I think I'm gonna sing well here A spoof on "I think I'm gonna like it here" from Annie, sung by Erik and Christine

_Erik _  
The wedding dress will be your clothes  
I was tempted to go cream, but white is your best colour I think

Your Turkish bath is just through here

_Christine  
_Jacuzzi? Hmm…ideas

_Erik_  
The ornate swan is now your bed

_Christine_  
Black lace? Oh! Velvet sheets…I like  
I think I'm gonna sing well here

_Erik_  
The torture room is to the left 

_Christine  
_Inside the house? Oh boy!

_Erik_  
The Gondola is in the rear

_Christine_  
I've never even picked up a paddle!

_Erik_  
I'll have instructors here at noon…and I'll get that Oarsome Foursome if they're available

_Christine  
_I think I'm gonna sing well here!

_Erik_  
When you rise, sing and sigh  
I'll be there right away  
If out of tune, it's your doom  
My lasso takes Bouquet away!

No need to hear Carlotta's voice

_Christine_  
That's ok, she was terrible anyway

_Erik_  
But music will we make my dear  
I have but one request  
My mask is off limits

_Christine_  
I think I'm gonna sing well here!

Used to dance, and chorus chant  
Prayed for Angels on my knees  
But Angel? Wow!  
Seduce me now  
Sing for me your masterpiece!

_Erik_  
Do we get to do the actions too?

I've never had a young Angel

I've never had a young Angel

_Christine  
_So glad my father sent you here!

_Erik_  
…(Looks uncomfortable) Uh, yeah

I hope you understand, what comes with my Don Juan (coughkinkycaressingcough)

_Christine_  
I think I'm gonna sing well here!


	21. Carlotta

Carlotta sung by Erik, about his behated diva, to the tune of NYC from Annie 

Carlotta  
What is it about you?  
Vulgar  
And loud  
And tough

Carlotta  
I'd go years without you  
Then I, cant get, enough  
Enough of dropping sets onto your head  
Your voice is far from best  
Of sabotaging your foul voice  
With evil pranks and jests

Carlotta  
Just too  
Irritating  
Too big!  
Too bold!  
Too fat!  
And old!  
Get out  
La Carlotta-ah

Carlotta  
The poochies she adores  
That voice  
That screeches  
High

Carlotta  
The diva we abhore  
As bad  
As Piangi's  
Wide (yes I've used him as a metaphor before but it works so bugger off and get me a shrubbery)

No other Opera has the evil diva  
With a voice that makes us spew  
No other theatre in the whole of Paris  
Has to put up with you

La Carlotta  
You make Raoul normal  
You screech  
You stamp  
And you're  
A tramp!  
Amen  
For Erik's set!

Carlotta  
Your overdone costumes  
The pink  
The fluff  
The bribes.

Your voice is high  
As a phangirl on crack  
It wails, it shrills, it screams  
To think there's luckies out there in the world  
Who've never heard her sing

La Carlotta  
You've got us all running  
For fear  
From stage  
Avoid  
The Phantom rage  
For sing-ing

_Young Alto_  
Carlotta  
Just heard her this morning  
Three gags  
Two coughs  
One screech  
Carlotta  
I give you fair warning  
Don't sing  
Again  
You'll see  
Just ask the Phantom or Philippe Chagny  
The place they love the best  
Though the Daae is a kick arse star  
The screechings come addressed  
From Carlotta  
Please no more Sopranos  
They sing  
Too high  
Someday  
They'll die  
All cos  
Of Carlotta

Carlotta  
You're screeching sound only  
You shriek  
You stamp  
You're still  
A tramp  
Amen  
For Erik's set


	22. Wishing he was dead

**Wishing he was dead**

Wishing I was there, by Natalie Imbruglia (I cant spell) sung by Christine

Take your hand, and caress on my corset  
Eyes are sunk deep in their sockets  
Take Carlotta away she's much too loud  
I'll take a breath, your voice is in my head  
Before you carry me to bed  
Put your mask away I'm melting for you

I know, down here gets cold  
Please don't leave me here alone  
Understand I'm take-off-your-mask prone  
Sing, it sets me free  
Every night your voice lifts mine

But when the Vitcomte comes  
Don't try to kill him  
We might just need him  
I know you don't think its fair  
But he's just so dumb  
If Nadir finds out  
We'll be wishing he,  
Wishing he,  
Wishing he was dead

I dreamt, about another girl in bed with you  
You just laughed, your mask was all the proof  
Well fine till I think of the phangirls  
I wish you made sense  
You're a Ghost that no one gets  
A life with the Red Death  
I wanted to live with you, forever and ever. (don't we all sweetheart)

I know, down here gets cold  
Please don't leave me here alone  
Understand I'm take-off-your-mask prone  
Sing, it sets me free  
Every night your voice lifts mine  
But when the Vitcomte comes  
Don't try to kill him  
We might just need him  
I know you don't think its fair  
But he's just so dumb  
If Nadir finds out  
We'll be wishing he,  
Wishing he,  
Wishing he was dead


	23. Phangirl Song

**The Phangirl Song (previously known as the Llama song)**

Here's a phangirl  
There's a phangirl  
And another scary Phangirl  
Stalker Phangirl  
Squeeing phangirl  
Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Glomp!

Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Phantom  
Phangirl  
Gerik Michael Erik Phangirl  
Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Gerry Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Phangirl  
Glomp!

We were once quite normal  
We were once quite sane  
Then we learnt who Erik was  
Now realities a bane  
Been phanphicers for three long years  
We love the EC tale!  
But if you stalk the Gerry Beast  
You might end up in jail

Have you ever seen a phangirl  
Stalk a Phantom just to glomp him?  
Phangirl  
Phangirl  
Capes and Phangirls  
Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Glomp!

Webber Phangirl  
Leroux Phangirl  
Not a Phangirl (pfft! Idiots)  
Kay Phan  
Phangirl  
Phanclub site  
Alert the Phangirls  
Phangirl,  
Phangirl  
Glomp!

The story's getting changed now  
From when Leroux first told  
Webber wrote the Overture  
And Erik's touch is cold  
Il Muto's nearly playing now  
Carlotta's bout to croak  
Time to go a stalking now  
And steal Erik's cloak!


	24. Fever

Phantom (Fever – Michael Buble version) 

Never know how much we love him  
We're not the idiots who scream and stare  
When we hear the Angel singing  
We get a feeling that's so hard to bear  
We love the Phantom  
With his singing  
We love him as Don Juan  
Phantom! Wandering Child  
Phantom Music of the night

Mask gleams in the moonlight  
Punjabs in the night  
Phans light up when we hear Don Juan  
And people think we're not all right  
We love the Phantom

All the Phangirls love the Phantom  
Normal boys we say "Oh No!"  
Movie Phantom, ain't a new thing  
Phantom haunted long ago

Erik loved Miss Daae  
Raoul the Fop loved her the same  
But when Christine chose the Vitcome  
The phans went "Girl you haven't got a brain!"  
You left the Phantom  
With his singing  
Phantom with his awesome voice  
Left him! 'Lone and broken  
Christine you'll be dying soon!

Gaston Leroux in 1911  
Brought about the mask affair  
But since its written in French speak  
The translation has us in despair  
We want the Phantom  
With his singing  
Phantom with his sexy cape  
Phantom! We'd be his mistress  
Phantom when we stay up late!

Now we've all seen the Phantom movie  
And here's a point that I must make  
Gerik is damn sexy  
And his cloak is driving us insane  
Just give us Phantom  
When we listen  
Phantom if you hear you'll learn  
Phantom! With his music  
The bridge is crossed so watch it burn  
Oh bridge is crossed so watch it burn  
The Phantom is the man we yearn


	25. Music of the Night

**Music of the Night (Meaning of Life - Yet another Monty Python parody, come on, everyone loves wacky british comedy)**

Why's Erik here?  
What's the tale all about?  
Is the Ghost really real (Uh, dumb question)?  
How dumb is that Raoul?  
Well tonight, we are going to sort it all out  
For this is Music of the Night

What's the point of Opera Ghost?  
Is it the Angel or Red Death time?  
Is Carlotta a yoke?  
Or perhaps, we're just one of Erik's little jokes  
We're sourcing Music of the Night

Is phanphic just a world where we make up the rules?  
While we're hunting down the Miss Daae?  
Or are we just caught in Erik's torture room?  
Where he hung the unfortunate J. Buquet?

After Don Juan, what was his fate?  
Angel of Heaven or Hell  
I was born 100 years too late!  
Does he still haunt the Opera  
Or is it too late? (Never!)  
Well tonight is Music of the Night

For Phangirls the world is a sad modern grill  
While we daydream our lives away  
While experts say, the Phantom did really exist (we could have told them that!)  
And hung the unfortunate Buquet

So just why, why do we obsess?  
And for what? What? What? Do we need him undressed? (I can tell you if you like…)  
In Don Juan, for a change, Erik's face was clear  
Rather than the Music of the Night

Sing the chorus with me  
This is Music of the Night


	26. Addicted to Capes

Addicted to Capes (Addicted to Bass by Puretone) 

The DBCA is the Dramatic Black Cloak Addicts, my club, feel free to join, site's my homepage.

I got two head phones plugged straight into my brain  
I'm shaking with the passion of _Don Juan_ again  
My friends all think I'm crazy and they're calling me insane  
But there's beauty in the Phantom and it's worth the pain

I'm looking down to the stage below  
There's nothing in the way they dance to show  
They too, know what I know  
They too hunger for the Ghost below

Checking out the newest clothes I feel so out of place  
The resurrected 80's gear is lacking something great  
I know you can tell looking at my CD case  
I'm showing off my weakness  
I'm totally addicted to Capes

(Bow-bow-bow-bow) Oh woah wo oh

(Bow-bow-bow-bow) Oh woah wo oh

Those idiots who think they look cool  
They don't know that the Cloakers rule!  
I get strange if I'm deprived  
I hunger for Phantoms deep inside  
I feel like I'm doing time  
Imprisoned from my Phiction  
Cos its exam time

In my mind I'm Christine and I need to define  
Why I should stick with Erik cos his music's divine  
Standing by the backstage door I know I'm not alone  
DBCA's with me in spirit and we're gonna steal his cloak  
Surrounded by the actors and they're staring at my face  
They're backing away slowly  
I'm totally addicted to Capes

(Bow-bow-bow-bow) Oh woah wo oh

Your cape line has got me feeling fine

Your cape line has got me feeling fine, filling up my mind

Sunset in my bedroom, I look onto the site  
There's updates on my phiction and I'm feeling alright  
Suddenly I realise mid review that I was wrong  
Every bodies singing to the best song  
And at the new post I know  
There's something in the way they write to show  
They to know what I know  
They too hunger for the Ghost below

Music drowning over me to wash away my tears  
Escaping from reality cos Erik's not here  
The Red Death cloak is swirling and the Phantom is right here  
No need to feel so lonely  
I'm a member of the DBCA


	27. Music of the Night 2

**Mambo No. 5**

Mu-sic of the Night

Every body in the Opera House come on and jive  
To the Sound of Il Muto with Carlotta   
But I really don't wanna  
Land in court like I did last week  
I mustn't stalk the Gerry or even squee  
I see Opera Ghost, Trap-door love, Red Death and Phantom  
And as I continue, you know this song is random

So what can I do I really beg and you my Lord  
To me stalking it's just like sport, anything fly  
It's all good let me kill Raoul  
Please send in the phangirls

A little bit of Opera Ghost in the night  
A little bit of Erik by my side  
A little bit of Phantom's what I see  
A little bit of Red Death's what I need  
A little bit of Angel just for fun  
A little bit of Erik all night long  
A little bit of Phans plus the Don Juan

Don Juan and Raoul  
Let's toss the Fop around  
Leave him bald on the sides  
Stamp his face in the ground  
Lasso on the left  
And sword to the right  
Fops to the left, cheesegraters to the side  
Kiss Erik once  
Kiss Erik twice  
If Joe swings like this then we punjabbed right

A little bit of Opera Ghost in the night  
A little bit of Erik by my side  
A little bit of Phantom's what I see  
A little bit of Red Death's what I need  
A little bit of Angel just for fun  
A little bit of Erik all night long  
A little bit of Phans plus the Don Juan

I do want to be seduced by a Ghost like you  
You cant run, you cant hide  
Together we'll make Music of the Night

A little bit of Opera Ghost in the night  
A little bit of Erik by my side  
A little bit of Phantom's what I see  
A little bit of Red Death's what I need  
A little bit of Angel just for fun  
A little bit of Erik all night long  
A little bit of Phans plus the Don Juan


	28. She's gone from my life

15. She's Gone from my Life 

(Another Blink182 rendition, sung by Erik)

I'm sick  
Of always hearing  
Diva's screeching  
Throughout my house  
All day  
She is there to remind  
That she thinks she's sublime  
While I'm lost and alone

I hate  
Her favourite hairstyle  
Her favourite costume  
Her favourite dog  
We would  
Sing Music of the Night  
Where the notes were too high  
For the lowly Vitcomte

I can't forgive  
Can't forget  
Can't give in  
What went wrong?  
With Music of the Night  
She's gone from my life

I'm sick  
Of always hearing  
Sappy duets  
On the rooftop  
This place,  
Is ever cursed by my face  
I can never escape  
Though my Angel has flown

I can't forgive  
Can't forget  
Can't give in  
What went wrong?  
With Music of the Night  
She's gone from my life

I'm singing out fiercely  
At the Opera around me  
Why's she gone?  
I'm singing out fiercely  
At the Opera around me  
Why's she gone?  
I'm singing out fiercely  
At the Opera around me  
Why's she gone?  
I'm singing out fiercely  
At the Opera around me  
Why's she gone?  
I'm singing...


	29. Everything I want

Everything I want by Vertical Horizon, written on a VERY bad day...but oh well, enjoy 

Somewhere he's singing  
His voice coming in  
Oh and he's hiding at the back of my mind  
I never liked life here  
Just wish to escape here  
But I'm stuck here and I don't know why

But under the played tracks and the sung songs  
Past the time when I used to yearn  
I howl and listen  
Listen and wait for  
Echoes of Angels who wont return

He is everything I want  
He is everything I need  
He is everything outside this world  
Where I wish I could be  
I sing of the songs  
In exactly the right time  
But still he wont appear  
And I just don't know why

I'm looking for someway  
To bring us together  
I'm hoping to God he wont push me away  
There's always another face to discover  
And it's only my name I wish he'd say

He is everything I want  
He is everything I need  
He is everything outside this world  
Where I wish I could be  
I sing of the songs  
In exactly the right time  
But still he wont appear  
And I just don't know why

Out of the real world  
Down to the lakeside  
Past places of a life I've learned  
He never did notice  
So I still hide away  
Wishing for Angels who wont return

He is everything I want  
He is everything I need  
He is everything outside this world  
Where I wish I could be  
I sing of the songs  
In exactly the right time  
But still he wont appear  
And I just don't know why


	30. Have you met Phantom?

**Have You Met Phantom? (Have you met Miss Jones?)**

Have you met Phantom  
Giry said as he Punjabbed  
He's in love with the Christine  
And I said "Phantom,  
You a Ghost who understands  
I'm a phan who must just squee"

And all at one I lost my breath  
And all at once was choked to death  
And all at once, I heard the fop sing high  
And now I've met Phantom  
And he'll keep punjabbing till I die  
Phantom and I

(Dance break interlude)

And all at one I lost my breath  
And all at once was choked to death  
And all at once, I heard the fop sing high  
And now I've met Phantom  
And he'll keep punjabbing till I die  
Phantom and I


	31. Lasso

**Lasso (That's all, Michael Buble, the Wedding singer and I forget the original :P)**

You know what I discovered? You can take Punjab as a language or as a History in VCE! Dammit…two years too late guys (Though I will be failing my exams so…)

(Erik singing to Joseph Buquet)

I can only keep you in this noose forever  
And I promise to smirk sexy when you fall  
And the best Punjab I own  
For you and you alone  
Lasso  
Lasso

I can only swing you from the roof in ballet  
Hope the audience wont mind when you do fall  
As I send you to the light  
Remember this last night  
Lasso  
Lasso

There are those, I am sure who have told you  
That the Phantom's nothing more than a Ghost  
All I have is this noose so to choke you  
And a cloak time can never unswish

If you're wondering what I'm choking you for now Joe  
You'll be glad to know you're nothing but a pawn  
Cast Miss Daae as a star  
I'll ensure she goes far  
Lasso

Lasso...


	32. You are Phantom

You are sixteen (The Sound of Music) 

(Phangirls)  
You wait Opera Ghost  
For a young Daae  
And to impress your song on  
You wait Opera Ghost  
For the masquerade  
To threaten all with Don Juan

(Erik)  
With Jon Juan

(Phangirls)  
You're a genius  
Squee's are all from us  
Erik it's time to think  
Punjab is ready  
Cheese-grater is steady  
You're mentally on the brink

You are Phantom  
Ready for Don Juan  
Phangirls will fall in line  
Obsessing phans  
DBCA-ians  
Will offer to kill fop swine

Totally un-Punjabbed is Raoul  
A mere boy to your man  
Secretive, cloaked and dark are you  
Christine! Get off our man!

You need someone  
Crazy and evil  
What have you got to lose?  
You are Erik wearing a black cape  
We'll come after you

(Erik)  
She is sixteen living off Giry

(Phangirls rolling eyes)  
Lord knows she is naïve

(Erik)  
Don Juan we've met  
In steamy duet

(Phans)  
He's hot there, we do believe! (amen, Amen, AMEN!)

(Erik)  
She's an Angel who I give lessons  
To her I send the rose  
Managers, Piangi's, Phangirls and Chagny's  
How can I torture those?

Totally un-Punjabbed is Raoul  
To that I must agree  
Trust me, his perfume is far to foul  
For my noose to get near

I need someone evil and in love  
Eager to do my will  
Phans are squeeing  
Managers fleeing  
Fop is gonna be ill


	33. Another fop bites the dust

**Another Fop bites the Dust (Another one Bites the dust by Queen)**

Phans are slinking down the street  
Stalking pretty Raoul  
Ain't no sound but the cloakers _swish!  
_Cheese graters ready to go  
Phans ready?  
Hey!  
Phan's ready for this  
Chrissie's gagged and tied to her seat  
Out of the trapdoor the Punjab whips  
And grabs the fop round the neck

Yeah (Dun dun dun)  
Another fop bites the dust  
Another fop bites the dust  
And another fop down  
And another fop down  
Another fop bites the dust

Hey, the cloak comes for you  
Another fop bites the dust

What better way to win Erik's love  
Than to kill his worst man?  
We throw him in the torture room  
With a bunch of Erik phans  
Are you ready?  
Hey!  
Erik satisfied?  
How long can fop stand the heat?  
Out of the chamber cheese graters screech!  
And we hear the fop scream

Yeah (dun dun dun)  
Another fop bites the dust  
Another fop bites the dust  
And another fop down  
And another fop down  
And another fop bites the dust

Phan's gonna get you too  
Another fop bites the dust

There are plenty of ways you can hurt a fop  
Can perform the Don Juan  
Can kick him you can beat him  
You can cut his hair  
And steal his hair curlah  
Phan's are ready  
Raoul we're coming for you  
Should never offend Erik  
Out of the trapdoor the Punjab whips  
And the phangirls squee

Yeah (dun dun dun)  
Another fop bites the dust  
And another fop down  
And another fop down  
Another fop bites the dust

Phan's gonna get you too  
Another fop bites the dust


	34. Angels are a phans best friend

**Angels are a Phan's best friend** (Diamonds are a girl's best friend, Moulin Rouge Style!) 

The fops, are glad to groom for love  
They delight in brushing hair  
But phans prefer a Ghost who sings  
Below his lakeside lair

A brush of the hair may be quite femininish  
But Angel's are a phans best friend  
Hair care may be grand but it's\  
No match for music  
Or the phantom's cloak  
(Or let you make the fop choke)

Fop's grow old  
And Monkey's sold  
And we all own the film in the end  
But Phantom or Red Death  
We still all lose our breath  
Cos Angel's are a Phan's best friend!

Opera Ghost!

Phantom!

Cos we are living in a Musical world and we are all such musical girls!

There may come a time when a Phan needs an Opera  
(But Angels are a Phan's best friend)  
There may come a time when that  
Sweet foppish stalker  
Thinks you're up all night  
Singing Don Juan Triumphant

Phantom's fine at stalking time  
From the roof J Buquet will descend

Angel's are a phan's best  
Angels are a phan's best  
Angels are a phan's best friend

Cos that's when those foppies  
Go back to their ponies

Angel's are a phan's best friend!


	35. Aeroplane Jelly old and new

Oh dear...now I'm onto jingles

The original song

I like Aeroplane Jelly, Aeroplane Jelly for me,  
I like it for breakfast I like it for tea,  
a little each day is a good quantity.  
The quality's high as the name would imply;  
it's made with real juice that's one good reason why…  
I like Aeroplane Jelly, Aeroplane Jelly for me"

The new version

I like Erik and Gerry, Erik and Gerry for me,  
The Phantom at breakfast, the Angel at tea  
A Cloakful each day is what makes Phangirls squee  
With Music of the Night got us feeling all right  
He swirls out his cloak and we squee and we sigh  
I like Erik and Gerry, Erik and Gerry for meeeee!

Been stuck in my head for three days...with no intention of stopping...Damn you Erik!


	36. Erik the Half OG

**Erik the Half OG (Has anyone noticed Erik has so many names? Red Death, Angel of Music, Trap door lover? So on and so forth, so I rewrote Eric the half a bee from Monty Python for him)**

(Spoken by Phangirl leader)  
Half OG  
Philomusically  
Must Don Juan Triumphant  
Half not G  
But half OG  
Has got to be  
A squeeable squee  
It's Ghostity  
D'you squee?  
But can OG be said to squee  
Or not to squee an entire OG  
When half OG is not OG  
Due to his being Christine's teaching ingénue

-Singing- A la di di  
A one-two-three  
Erik the half OG  
A-B-C-D-E-F-G  
Erik the half OG

Is this a wretched Opera G?  
Half asleep upon my knee (yes MINE! Not yours mine!)  
Some freak from Persian royalty  
No! It's Erik the Half OG  
Fiddle de dum  
Fiddle di di  
Erik the half OG  
Toe ho ho tee hee hee  
Erik the Half OG

I love this Opera Hauntee  
Distorted oh so tragically  
And haunts the Opera employees  
I love him carnally

(Phangirls)  
Phans love him carnally  
Singing carnally

(Spoken)  
The End

(Random phangirl)  
Cyril Connolly?

(Phanleader)  
No _Singing carnally_

(Phangirls)  
Oh (sung very quietly)  
Cyril Conelly…  
(Ends with an elaborate whistle)


	37. Herod's Song

Herod's Song 

Erik we are overjoyed to meet you mask to face  
You've been rousing quite a scare, all around the place  
Hanging stagehands Buquet we know is dead  
And now we understand that you're a Ghost  
At least that's what you've said

So you are the Ghost, you're the dark Opera Ghost  
Prove to us that you can sing, the unbelievers soon will swing  
That's all you need do, and our dreams will come true  
Come on Angel of Music!

Erik you just wont believe the rage you've made around here  
You are all we squee about, the Phantom of the year  
Oh what a horror, Carlotta screeching high  
Still we're sure that you can drop the backdrop if you try

So you are the Ghost, you're the dark Opera Ghost  
Prove to is that Raoul's a fool, drown him in your swimming pool  
If you do that for me, then your phans will all squee

Come on Angel of Music! We only ask what we'd ask any Music fiend  
What is it that you have got that makes the phangirls squee.  
We're all waiting, yes we're all captive phans.  
We're dying to be shown that you're an Angel and a man.

So, if you are the Ghost, yes the great Opera Ghost  
Fill the Theatre with your song.  
You know its what your phangirls want.  
Or has something gone wrong. Erik, why do you take so long?  
Oh come on, Angel of Music.  
Hey! Aren't you scared of us Ghost?  
Monsieur Opera Ghost?  
You are hot! You are the Lord.  
Raoul is nothing but a fraud.  
Take him away.  
Fop's got nothing to say!  
Come on you Angel of,  
Come on you Angel of,  
Oh come on you Angel of Music!


	38. Opera House Dropout

**Opera House Dropout (Beauty School Dropout…I love ripping off Grease!)**

_(Strange piano music starts playing and multi coloured lights come out of nowhere to light up the face of a lone Sue writing phangirl suffering from over fluff…with pink hair and multi coloured changing eyes. Nadir Khan, more commonly known as the Persian appears in a sparkly white version of his normal clothes and hat, standing atop a white staircase. The phangirl stares rather blankly, being a movie bandwagoneer she only really paid attention to Gerry and has no idea who Nadir is, the Persian glares at her with jade eyes, looking suspiciously like he has been pressured into this through some means, (deltaevenstar in the corner pokes him with her sword and waves a cheesegrater)and he starts to sing)._

Your phanphic sad to tell  
A dancing ne'er do well  
Most mixed up Phantom Phangirl  
On the stage

No future for your solo  
You have life as a hobo  
Didn't even get to fear the  
Phantom's rage

_(Stage lights up and millions of Phangirls in sparkly capes come running in with silver shoes and "We Love Erik!" tiaras, all singing far too many la's for me to want to write out)_

Opera House dropout  
No Don Juan Triumphant for you  
Opera House dropout  
Ignored Erik and missed your cues

Well at least you could have taken time  
To stalk a little closer  
With your hand up at your eye level  
So that Phantom wouldn't choke you!

Phangirl get moving  
Don't keep your glomping hopes alive  
Will you stop drooling?  
You got the squees but not that high

If you go and write Phanphiction  
You can gain a few reviews  
Turn in your ballet shoes  
And go back to glomp school

Opera House dropout  
Hanging around the Phantom's lair  
Opera House dropout  
You ain't no match for Christine's hair  
Well you could have been a Diva star  
You sure look like a shockah  
But no audience would hear from you  
Unless they loved Carlotta!

Phangirl don't sweat it (don't sweat it)  
Your not obsessed to make the glomp  
Better forget it (forget it)  
DBCA they'll do the job  
Now your shoes are scuffed  
Your tutu fluffed  
But still the Phantom's cruel  
Destroy your Sue right now  
And get back to glomp school

Phangirl don't blow it (Dont blow it)  
Don't put the Phangirl world to shame  
Honey you know it  
Bandwagoneers they're all the same

Now we've called the Cloak  
So go and mope  
Your Sue is gonna die  
We gotta get up to the rooftop  
And the Lyre…

_(Lights mysteriously disappear and fade out as Nadir and the Sparkly Phangirls disappear)_

One word...Shiny!

Two words...Review!


	39. Centrefold

**Phantom Centrefold **

**(A rip off of the G Jeils Band song Centrefold "My Angel is the Centrefold" gosh wonder where I got the inspiration for this one) Thankyou to all my brilliant reviewers old and new! Your comments leave me buzzing and wanting to write more! Wish me Luck in exams!**

Can he stalk?  
Cloak tailored walk?  
Can he sing to please?  
Our favourite ever Phantom has us swooning in our seats  
His voice is dark like Angels  
His eyes are bright like flame  
The fate of our dark Erik  
Will ever cause us pain

The songs pass by and we're flipping through some phangirl magazines  
When there's our favourite Phantom on the pages in between!

His touch is cold!  
His eyes they glow a threatening gold!  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold  
His touch is cold  
Our thoughts are growing far too bold  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold

Slipping notes  
Return addressed  
Put managers in an awful mess  
You'd think they'd know  
To pay the man  
Before Buquet swung high  
Phans all shakin' in their shoes  
At Gerry's sexy baby blues  
Phantom's got a hold on us  
But we don't really mind

That tall lethal Red Death  
You've been warned not to touch  
To see him in that slinky cape  
Was nearly just too much!

His touch is cold!  
His eyes they glow a threatening gold!  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold  
His touch is cold  
Our thoughts are growing far too bold  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold

It's ok we understand  
Somehow, someday we'll get our man  
Maybe when this issue's gone  
We'll see him with few clothes put on  
Take the boat, yes we will  
Take the Ghost and ride him  
Kidnapped to a big swan bed  
What goes on in there is private

Without a doubt he's just so ripped  
We cant believe he's nearly stripped  
We swoon we cant deny it  
Oh well, sing along and buy it

His touch is cold!  
His eyes they glow a threatening gold!  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold  
His touch is cold  
Our thoughts are growing far too bold  
The Phantom is the Centrefold  
Phantom is the Centrefold


	40. We are the Phangirls

**We are the Phangirls (Of the Ghost) also used to be known as "We are the Champions" ah the wonders of Queen and Grease downloaded onto your laptop...**

We've paid out Sues  
Time after time  
With our phanphic sentence  
And our Phantom crime  
And good reviews  
We've left a few  
We've trusted terrible computer systems  
But updates come through

And we will stalk on and on and...

We are the Phangirls, Phantom  
And we'll keep on stalking to the end  
We are the Phangirls  
We are the Phangirls  
No time for Sue-ers  
Cos we are the Phangirls  
Of the Ghost

We've stayed through the bows  
And the curtain calls  
We've followed mask and lasso and the cloak  
We've stalked it all  
But there've been those black tied roses  
No Mary Sue  
We've chased the mask across every stage  
We know all the cues

And we will stalk on and on and...

We are the Phangirls, Phantom  
And we'll keep on stalking to the end  
We are the Phangirls  
We are the Phangirls  
No time for Sue-ers  
Cos we are the Phangirls  
Of the Ghost


	41. Opening Nights

**Opening Nights (Sigh, this is what you get for doing Grease as your play last year...oh well! Once Summer Nights, Now Phantomized!)**

**Oh, anyone got any suggestions for songs? I've had a few but I'm running out of ideas**

_Erik_  
Christine Daae  
Father had passed

_Christine  
_Angel of Music  
Appeared at last

_Erik_  
Took her in  
Under my wing

_Christine_  
His voice was God  
You wouldn't believe

_Both_  
Carlotta stays, then drifts away  
But oh, all those Opening Nights

_Stagehands  
_Oh wella wella well ahuh!  
Tell me more tell me more

_Nadir  
_Will you make her a star?

_Ballet rats_  
Tell me more tell me more

_Sorelli  
_Does his house have a spa?

_Erik  
_She was spellbound  
Offered my hand

_Christine  
_Took me under  
Where it was damp

_Erik  
_Had her caught  
Seduced her all round

_Christine  
_His digs are cool  
5 floors under ground

_Both  
_Don't like the sun  
But that night was fun  
Oh ah, after Opening Night 

_All  
_A well a well a well ahuh!

_Ballet rats  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Meg Giry  
_Was it love at first sight?

_Stagehands  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Piangi  
_Did you give her a fright?

_Erik  
_We met up soon  
At the Masquerade

_Christine  
_Too bad I fainted  
Before I got laid

_Erik  
_Gave her my love  
Every last drop

_Christine  
_Got plans now  
To kill the fop

_Both  
_Buquet swings Giry girl sings  
But oh, all those Opening Nights

Woah Woah Woah

_Stagehands  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Buquet  
_Was she easy to shag?

_Ballet rats  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Mme Giry  
_We found Raoul dressed in drag

_Christine  
_He got noble, holding my hand

_Erik  
_What she was wearing...her stockings now DAMN!

_Christine  
_His voice was sweet  
Just like in my dreams

_Erik  
_She was so young  
And just so naïve

_Both  
_Opera heat  
Ghost and starmeet  
Again on Opening Night 

_Ballet Rats  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Little Jammes  
_About the rose that he sent

_Stagehands  
_Tell me more tell me more

_Darius  
_About her ballet rat friends

_Christine  
_Then I woke up it got to the end

_Erik  
_She took my mask off claimed she wanted a lend

_Both  
_Don Juan we'll make our true love vow

_Phangirls  
_Wonder if, it's safe to stalk now?

_Both  
_Opera dreams  
And Carlotta screams (collective shudder)  
But oh  
Those Opening Nigh-ights

Tell me more tell me more more more...


	42. We Will Stalk You

**We will stalk you** (We Will Rock You...Go Queen!)

(To sing this it helps if you follow the stomp-stomp-clap! theme all the way through)

Phangirl gonna stalk written on your face  
Down the street gonna steal you a cloak one day  
He's got mask on his face  
Raoul's disgrace  
Stalking the Phantom all over the place

Going,  
We will we will stalk you  
We will we will stalk you

Writer you got smart words strong words written  
On the site gonna buy up the rights someday  
With the mask on his face  
Raoul's disgrace  
Somebody rated your phic right up in top place

Raving  
We will we will stalk you  
We will we will stalk you

Phicer you're an old hand, plot planned cliff-hanging  
Kick arse words gonna get you published some day  
With the mask on his face  
Raoul's disgrace  
You're writing is getting too good for this place

Reviewing  
We will we will stalk you  
We will we will stalk you

(Big '80's guitar sendoff)


	43. Raoul Punjabbin'

**Raoul Punjabbing (Elvis Presley's Rubberneckin')**

Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
It's called Raoul punjabbing Phangirls  
But that's alright with me

Christine says I'm wasting time  
But she don't really know  
Punjab when he screams  
Phans squee if I might  
The mask gets such a glow

Punjab in the morning  
Strangle at night  
With threats, stares everywhere  
And catch every Fop in sight

Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
It's called Raoul punjabbing Phangirls  
But that's alright with me

Christine says I'm wasting time  
But she don't really know  
Punjab when he screams  
Phans squee if I might  
The mask gets such a glow

Sitting in the Fifth Box  
All by my self  
Along came Christine Daae  
But with the Fop instead

Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
It's called Raoul punjabbing Phangirls  
But that's alright with me

Christine says I'm wasting time  
But she don't really know  
Punjab when he screams  
Phans squee if I might  
The mask gets such a glow

Sitting in the Fifth Box  
All by my self  
Along came Christine Daae  
But with the Fop instead

Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
It's called Raoul punjabbing Phangirls  
But that's alright with me

Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy  
Fop drop and dangle, Phangirls  
Phantom philosophy

Fop!


	44. Happy Little Vegemites

**44. Happy Little Stalker Phans**

The original song

We're happy little Vegemites  
As bright as bright can be  
We all enjoy our Vegemite for  
Breakfast lunch and tea  
Our Mummies say we're getting stronger  
Every single week  
Because we love our vegemite  
We all adore our vegemite  
It puts a rose in every cheek! (dum da dum!)

And my version

We're happy little Stalker Phans  
Obsessed as we can be  
We all squee at our Erik  
Over Breakfast Lunch and Tea  
Our parents say we're crazy  
And they're calling in the Shrinks  
Because we love our sexy Angst!  
We all adore our scrummy Angst!  
It puts a glomp in every squee! (dum da dum!)


	45. Masquerade Ball

**Yes! I still exist, and so does this! (apologies on all other updates, writers block) In honour of Christmas...anyone else like to join me in my hunt for the creator of Rudolph...I hate that song! **

**Masquerade Ball (Jingle bell Rock)**  
Masquerade  
Masquerade  
Masquerade Ball  
Diva does sing  
Chandelier swing

Singin' and swirling  
Up seductive fun  
Now the Masquerade has begun

Masquerade  
Masquerade  
Masquerade Ball  
Carlotta looks scary  
And there's Red Death galore

Mirrors and nooses  
In torture chamber  
We hope Raoul is dead

It's disguise time  
It's a mask time  
To dance the night away

Its swordfight time  
Its Red Death time  
Raoul's runnin' and stayin away

Come along chorus girls  
Pick up your feet  
Shimmy around the hall  
Dance and a singin'  
To the staircases beat  
That's the Masquerade  
That's the Masquerade

That's the Masquerade Ball!


	46. 12 Nights of Christmas

**12 Nights of Music**

Yep! I'm still here my doves, yet another celebration for the yuletide season (Geez I'm full of crap today). Especially tailored to sing at the top of your lungs in supermarkets when they have those appalling versions of pop or little kids singing Christmas carols. Enjoy!

On the first night of music the Phantom gave to me  
A Punjab in a steel tree

On the second night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the third night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the fourth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the fifth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the sixth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the seventh night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the eighth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Eight black tied roses  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the ninth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Nine singing lessons  
Eight black tied roses  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling set  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the tenth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Ten Broadway tickets  
Nine singing lessons  
Eight black tied roses  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stagehands  
Three ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the eleventh night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Eleven capes a swirling  
Ten Broadway tickets  
Nine singing lessons  
Eight black tied roses  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree

On the twelfth night of music the Phantom gave to me  
Twelve compositions  
Eleven capes a swirling  
Ten Broadway tickets  
Nine singing lessons  
Eight black tied roses  
Seven notes a threatening  
Six mirrors torturing  
Five chandeliers  
Four stage hands  
Three Ballet rats  
Two falling sets  
And a Punjab in a steel tree


	47. Bash the Fop

Bash the Fop with prickly holly  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Sic on him a border collie  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our hunt apparel  
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.  
Lock him in an airless barrel  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Attack him with a raging Taurus, (that's a bull)  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Ballet rats join in the chorus.  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Cut his hair by lengthy measure,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
So he'll learn Erik we treasure,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away his screaming passes,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
Use his hair for whips and lashes,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tie him up in cord and tether,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.  
And leave him out in winter weather,  
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Aint nothing better to relax you after work than a bit of fop bashing...now to find a Carlotta Carol


	48. Opera Ghost

**Opera Ghost (Holy Grail by Hunters and Collectors one of the ultimate sing along songs ever)**

-starts piano intro- _Da dum dum dum dum dum dum dad a dadadum Bowmbowm_

Woke up this morning  
From my favourite dream  
I was the most obsessive phangirl  
The world had ever seen  
We had Raoul on the run  
As we stalked down the Opera Ghost

Started out haunting Daae and foppy  
It's a short kill but it's one helluva torture  
When you spend you lifetime trying to get your hands  
On the Opera Ghost

But have you heard about the Masquerade  
Managers wasted millions  
But Erik wasn't paid  
Yeah he dropped the chandelier for revenge  
Did the Opera Ghost

Ballerina's scattered, they were fearful of the show  
And Raoul was such a fop, how was Christine to know?  
She'd rent the universe asunder  
When she denied the Opera Ghost

Chandeliers were full of glass  
But they were dropping like flies  
And Erik's black cloak  
Was on Apollo's Lyre  
And you know what they say, yeah  
de Chagny deserves to die

You know, we've been searching for an easy way  
To steal Music of the Night away  
We've stalked high and we've stalked low  
Raoul has got nowhere else to go

No where else to go…

We snuck in the Labyrinth  
To where Erik had been  
Woke up in his lair  
Deafened him with Squees  
I'm still here  
I'm still in love with the Opera Ghost

Yeah, I'm in love with the Opera Ghost


	49. You wont succeed on Phiction

**You Wont Succeed On Phiction (You wont succeed on Broadway, Monty Python's Spamalot)**

**I'm baa-ack! And its wonderful to be here, this one goes out to all those poor newbies who inadvertantly Sue. Please, take my advice (and sing along)**

_Author  
_Have you heard of this Phiction?

_Beta  
_yes Author, and we don't stand a chance there

_Author  
_Why not?

_Beta  
_Because phiction is a very special place, filled with very special characters, characters with love and angst, often in the same chapter. They are an obsessive people, a multi-fictioning people, a people who need lives and who in many ways, are the geekiest people in the world. I'm sorry Author, we don't have a chance.

_Author  
_But why?

_Beta  
_Well let me write it like this…  
(singing)In any crazy plotline  
If you want great reviews  
Your readership depends upon  
The characters you choose

So listen Author darling  
Closely to this news  
We wont succeed on Phiction  
If we have a Mary Sue

You may have the finest pets  
Fill the stage with dropping sets  
You may have the sexiest Phantoms and best crews

(a set is dropped)

Raoul may prance and he may swing  
But I am sorry Authorling  
You'll just get flames and lots of bad reviews

_Readership  
_BOO!

_Beta  
_You may have Gerry's by the score  
Whom the phangirls all adore  
You may even have some animals from zoos

_Carlotta  
_Coo-ak

_Beta  
_Though you've got Joel's and 'Drew's instead  
You may choke the fop on bread  
But I tell you Erik's dead  
If you cast a Mary Sue

Theywont care if she's witty  
We know that she'll be pretty  
Her brain power will be shitty, we'll refuse

Everybody knows sir  
She's had a tragic past before sir  
Even fluffbrains wont be dim enough to choose

Post updates that Lemons share  
With lots on "scenes" we wont go there  
And you might get some applause in a review

_Reviewer  
_It's ok

_Beta  
_But the readership wont care sir  
As long as you don't dare sir  
To post a phic on phiction

_Beta and Reviewers  
_If you've got a Mary Sue

_Beta  
_You may have dramatic writing  
With lots of angsty fighting  
You may even have the ballet rats in shoes  
Erik makes her nice toys  
But she's adored by all the boys  
And that screech you call her singing you must loose

So besides her blonde highlights  
And naughty thoughts on Christine's tights  
I'm afraid we cannot have this fluff refuse

You may have fencing man e mano  
Replace an organ with piano  
But the Trolls wont give a damn-o  
If you have a Mary Sue

_(Piano Cadenza and Masquerade dance)_

_Beta  
_Sue's make straight men out of gays  
Have perfect figures without stays

_Reviewers  
_And their eyes we are assured are changing hue

_Beta  
_You haven't got a clue  
If you cast a Sue  
All of your reviews its guaranteed you'll lose 

There's a very small percentile  
Who enjoy some slash turned gentile  
I'm just warning you because of bad reviews

Never mind your diction  
You just wont succeed on Phiction  
You just don't succeed on Phiction if you have a Mary Sue

(Spoken) Author can you hear me?  
(Singing) To get along on Phiction  
To post your phic on Phiction  
To get cameo-ed on Phiction and reviewed  
I tell you Authorling there is one essential thing  
There simply cant be, simply cant be Sues  
Simply wont be Author quote me  
Simply cant be Sues

**-grins and goes to poke more bread in Raoul's mouth-**


	50. I Will Stalk

**I will Stalk (Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive. The classic karaoke song. Dedicated to EBC for obvious reasons pertaining to the final lines. Sung by a phangirl and Erik. Poor dear, he suffers so at my hands.)**

**Woot! The big 50! Let's hear a round of applause peoples!**

_Phangirl_

At first I was afraid  
His song it terrified  
Kept praying that my Opera Ghost  
Won't commit suicide  
Then I spent so many nights  
Listening to his songs  
Knew he was strong  
And knew that Christine's choice was wrong

So I went back (do-do-do)  
Through time and space  
Walked into the Opera House  
To find his mask upon his face

Thought I would kiss away his tears  
I hoped my smile might hold the key  
But my love the Opera Ghost  
He turned and ran away from me.

_Erik  
_No not again!  
Look there's the door  
You're the five hundred thousandth phangirl  
I can't take it anymore!  
And I know that while Christine  
She hurt me with goodbye  
But you're a phic phangirl  
So now I'll run and hide

_Phangirl  
_But I'm just me  
No Mary Sue  
I'm not some torn up band wagoneer  
Who wants to glomp on you  
I know you don't want to give in  
And I know that you're not free  
All I ask is just one song  
And I promise not to squee

(Erik shakes his head and tries valiantly to run away. The unnamed phangirl follows)

But I will stalk  
Yes I will stalk  
For as long as he knows how to sing  
His footsteps will I haunt  
Christine's gone with fop to live  
And I'm here with love to give.  
And I will stalk  
Yes I will stalk. Hey hey!

(Musical interlude. Is suddenly reminded of Hugo Weaving aka Lord Elrond, Matrix and V dressed in drag in PriscillaQueen of the Desert)

It took all the strength he had  
To tear us two apart  
And he swore that there's no other  
For his broken heart  
And I spent oh so many nights  
Locked inside the chamber walls  
He tried to fry  
But a phangirl has her pride

_(Erik: No she doesn't.  
Authoress: Shut up. You're ruining the song)_

Then he saw me  
With phangirl blues  
Still tied up in the chamber  
And in love with you  
And so you offered me your cloak  
Then tried to drop me from the tree  
But I ran off with your cape  
And named myself as EBC!

But I will stalk  
Yes I will stalk  
For as long as he knows how to sing  
His footsteps will I haunt  
Christine's gone with fop to live  
And I'm here with love to give.  
And I will stalk  
Yes I will stalk. Hey hey!

(Decides it's high time she went out in Brisbane and found a Karaoke bar. Also decides its nearly cold enough to warrant getting her cloak out tonight as she watches David Whenam (Faramir and the monk from Van Helsing) in the East Timor mini series.)


	51. Flame me

This song is dedicated to Gammut, even though I doubt she will ever read it. Because anyone who can flame Mirror so eloquently I highly doubt they would venture willingly into something so openly graceless and pointlessly humorous as a parody of songphics. And despite being left one of those reviews that ruin your day and leave you questioning why you even bother with fiction, I bear no grudge. (Apart from the glorious ten minutes spent dreaming of stealing a certain friend's certain glove and imagining a rather messy and slightly fatal bludgeoning.) I realised had I never fictioned, I would never have made many of the wonderful friends I now know and love and in particular, Samantha. Who I have been lucky enough to meet in real life and I would definitely be much poorer for her friendship had I never given into my inherent desire to be phangirly. And in the end, the good definitely outweighs the bad. Thanks Sam.

**Flamee** (sung by yours truly) 

Think of me  
Think of me scornfully  
When you hit review  
Disparage me, and mock me freely  
That's why I'm here for you

When you find  
You wince at every word  
And your mind longs to be free  
If you ever think a kind thought  
Don't send it on to me

I never said I had a decent plot  
And that my grammar wasn't right  
But if you wish to review then  
Flame once more for me

Think of all the times you've longed to scream  
Don't think about that certain bedroom scene

Review me  
In all my Sueness  
Glowing with highlights

Review me  
Trying so hard to push all plot aside  
Recall bad days  
Think back on all foul rhymes  
Think of the times I've made you spew  
There will someday come a day when I'll come after you

_Flamer_  
Can it be?  
Can it be this bad?

What a load  
I bet your every bit  
The gawkish freak your Sue is not  
I might sign myself with no name  
But of shit your phic's a crock

_Flamee  
_We always said  
You were a jealous toad  
Because you missed a cameo  
But if you like to be so miserable  
Don't bother… 

Boooooor

Ooooooooor

Booooooor

Boring me!

(Bows to tumultuous applause)


	52. The Opera Ghost

**Erik Ghost (Roxy Hart from Chicago. Sung by Erik and cloaked phangirls)**

_Erik  
_The name on everybody's lips is gonna be Erik  
The guy whose raking in phanchicks is gonna be Erik  
I'm gonna be a celebrity that means somebody everyone knows  
They're gonna recognise my eyes my hair my voice my mask my cloak  
From just some haunting tragic face I'm gonna be  
Erik

Who says that murder's not an art?  
And who that I find doesn't hang  
Will surely meet with phangirl flame?  
Opera Ghost  
Girls…

_Phangirls  
_We're gonna start a whole new style to match up with  
Erik

_Erik  
_Think of the times you'll try to stalk good luck to you  
Erik  
And I'll be there in a roquelaire that swirls all the way down the staircase

_Phangirls  
_Here a phic there a phic everywhere a phangirl phic

_Erik  
_But always in the best of taste

Yes I'm a star  
And the phangirls all stalk me  
And I stalk them  
And they stalk me for stalking them and I stalk them for stalking me  
And we stalk each other  
And that's because none of us got enough stalking in our childhoods  
And that's haunting… kid

_Phangirls  
_He's giving up his low down life  
He's gonna be Erik  
He made a scandal with his star

_Erik  
_Andyoung de Chagny will say oh no  
When phans come stalking with graters  
From Opera Ghost


	53. All I care about is song

**All I care about is song (All I care about is love from Chicago. Sung By Erik as Billy Flynn and Phangirls as…well…phangirls) **

_Phangirls  
_We want OG  
Where is OG?  
Give us OG  
We want OG  
O-P-E-R-A G  
We're all his  
When he's played by Gerry  
And ooh what luck  
Cause here he is

_Meg  
_Presenting sable cloaked Phantom of the Opera. The one, the only, Opera Ghost!

_Erik  
_I don't care about expensive things  
Adoring phans  
Diva's rings  
Don't mean a thing  
All I care about is song

_Phangirls  
_That's what he sings for

_Erik  
_I am known for wearing cloaks of black  
Masks of white  
My style in fact  
It's all my thing  
But all I care about is song

_Phangirls  
_All he cares about is song

_Erik  
_Give me two  
Solos through  
And I'll tell you  
Where's your blue (blue is Aussie slang for mistake)  
Let me hear them  
Sing so fair and  
Honestly phangirls keep out of my hair! 

Might be heard of wearing fine attire  
And my cloak is most admired  
But that's just me  
When all I care about is song

_Phangirls  
_All he cares about is song 

(whistling)

_Erik  
_When there's song through the air  
Pop and punk can't compare  
When there's curtain calls or three  
Keep your morphine its enough for me!

I don't care to own a fancy car  
I'll kill you if you smoke cigars  
It's not for me  
All I care about  
You're singing a song  
Your breathing comes through  
Don't use your diaphragm  
I'll come strangle you  
All I care about  
Is  
Song!


	54. Hang this mess

**Hang This Mess (Be Our Guest from the Australian Beauty and the Beast soundtrack starring (gulp) Hugh Jackman as…Gaston)**

_Firmin and Andre  
_Hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Rather watch the brats undress  
Tie the phantom's noose around our neck  
Let the chaos start afresh

_Firmin  
_It's so hard  
To observe  
All our junkyard cash be burnt

_Andre  
_It's scrap metal  
That's our business  
Shouldn't have tried this Opera business

_Both  
_Diva's sing  
Brats all dance  
We speak English though it's France  
Giry's accent is the only one possessed 

We're giving up our tenure  
Going back to debris  
Hang this mess  
Yes this mess!  
Hang this mess!

We're both fools this charade  
Has us on our knees to pray  
Stages burn curtains tear  
Because we challenged Erik's dare  
Now alone and we're scared  
Should have invested in Coke shares

_Andre  
_Stop your glooming and complaining  
At least the Ballets entertainingBoth  
We've been had!  
We've been tricked!  
By that Freddy Candlestick!  
And where Carlotta gets her taste we cannot guess!  
Now we consort with class  
To hide scrap metal past  
But hang this mess!  
Now we're stressed  
And this house is cursed not blessed  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess 

(Music)

_Firmin  
_Hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Get this Opera off our chest  
Let us say for your memoirs sake  
We've had a thief, may I suggest  
Let the press get a scoop  
Gluck can Handel all this gloop  
No idea could be more finer!  
Grab our money move to China  
Singing Faust dancing Schielle  
What an entertaining deal

_Andre  
_Yet we find ourselves still gloomy and depressed?  
The crowd all shout encore  
So we'll charge them for more  
Then hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess!

(More music…a cheesegrater dances past doing a level 5 tap solo)

**Both  
**It's a mess!  
It's a mess!  
Saints alive Christine is dressed  
Blood's been poured and help us Lord  
We're being hounded by the press  
We'll desert, leave them be  
We'd rather keep our sanity

_Firmin  
_While the brats do their soft shoeing  
Andre's gone red and now I'm fuming  
The place is burnt, flaming hot  
And my pants are soiled you sot.  
Clean it up! We want the Opera Ghost impressed!

_Both  
_We've got a lot to do  
With a migraine or two  
So hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess! 

(Music changes to a mournful ballad)

The Ghost is so unnerving  
And thinks we're paying for his service  
He's so cold can't have a soul to pray upon  
Ah those good old days when shows were fruitful  
Suddenly those good old days are gone

Twenty thousand he's demanding  
Not satisfied with just the dancing  
We need whiskey – couldn't stand another thrill  
Most days, we just hide within the office  
Flabby, fat and lazy  
He stalked in and ups-a-daisy!

(Another round of music, with a pair of tangoing cheesegraters)

Hang this mess! Hang this mess!  
Ghost commands we recess  
It's ten days since we had any hint of him

_Phangirls  
_And we're obsessed!

_Both  
_Let us go, kill us please

_Erik  
_Yes indeed I aim to bleed  
While the candlelight's still glowing  
Let me help you please get going

_Both  
_Act by act! One by one!  
And we shout "Enough! We're done!"  
Then we'll get right out of town as you digress  
Tonight you'll prop your feet up  
But for now lets get out  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Hang this mess  
Let's hang this mess!

(bows)

**Erik: Gluck can Handel? That's just obscene.  
Authoress: I know...but it worked (grin)**


	55. Stalking the Angst

**Stalking the Angst (Eating the Peach from James and the Giant Peach)**

_Delta Evenstar co queen of the DBCA_  
I've stalked so many strange and scrumptious idols in my time  
Like Aragorn's and Jack Sparrow's  
And House's by the mile  
And Snape with cape is super great when he's snarking in his prime  
But don't forget Lord Boromir who's looking rather fine

_Silvermasque co queen of the DBCA  
_I'm crazy bout Vendetta's with explosions and a rose  
And Sherlock Holmes in Conan's tomes and Vader in his cloak  
Dracula's sex, Spike like's his flesh  
Raise your glass to Stoker's toast

_Naomipoe  
_Do they come with music?

_Echo of a tear  
_They come to you while singing if you stalk 'em in your cloak 

(Music)

_DBCA  
_They come to you while singing if you stalk 'em in your cloak

_Lathril/Nightshadesister  
_For a partner to the Masque Bal, shall I tell you who I chose?  
A Goblin King called Jareth and Van Helsing for his coat  
And a freshly masked up Batman who went flying in his cloak  
Doc Hannibal was coming once he finished someone's nose

_Cricket  
_I crave the tasty sex appeal of Marcus Cole with tea  
And I like Zorro but I love the Crow  
And surely you'll agree  
A coffin's good with Lestat's bod', and maybe add Louis

_DBCA  
_Add Louis

_Heather  
_I hardly need to mention Jack Skellington from Halloween!

_DBCA  
_We hardly need to mention Jack Skellington from Halloween! 

_Erik's Vampire  
_Now comes my phellow stalkers the burden of my speech

_Snark Muses_  
You show off

_Cap'n Meg  
_These angsts are rare beyond compare and some right out of reach (tries to use cannon to shoot herself onto the _Black Pearl_…fails)

_Snark Muses  
_Nice aim commodore 

_Reltistic  
_But there's no doubt I'd go without a million cloaks of each

_Snark Muses  
_That's dedication

_Lathril/Nightshadesister  
_For one small night

_DBCA  
_One small night

_Silvermasque and Delta wearing fangs  
_One tiny bite

_DBCA  
_Tiny bite

_Erik's Black Cloak  
_Of Master Masked Erik!

_DBCA  
_Of Master Masked Erik! 


	56. Consciences and Musels

**Consciences and Musels (Winnie the Pooh's heffalumps and Whoozles)**

**Yeah! I'm back baby!**

Look out! And hide!  
Be a very wary scribe  
Of consciences and musels  
So very confucious  
A concience or a musel is so sly  
Sly!  
Sly!

First here in ones or twoozles  
Then when they so choozels  
Your imagination makes them multiply  
They're extraordinary, so better be wary  
Because they come in every shape and size!  
Size!  
Size!

If it's writing that you covet  
You'll find that, they love it  
They'll guzzle up your praise before your eyes

They're back!  
They're round!  
They're up they're down  
They're in they're out  
They're all about  
Once far now near  
They're quick and click  
So insincere.

Look out! And hide!  
Be a very wary scribe

Of consciences and musels  
So very confucious  
A concience or musel is so sly  
Sly!  
Sly!

First here in ones or twoozles  
Then when they so choozels  
Your imagination makes them multiply!

**Go on, tell me it doesnt ring true**


	57. That Face

**That Face (That face from The Producers, sung by phangirls, Christine and Erik)**

_Phangirls  
_We walk to stalk so we can be like Erik  
We ask unmask to make him feel at home  
We must be on alert with our dear Gerik  
For every Sue will test testosterone  
So knowing this we watched every description

From Chaney down to Englund we did trace  
We read the book from cover down to cover  
When suddenly we understood his face

That face, that face  
That dangerous face  
We mustn't be unwise  
Cold lips, no nose, those eyes  
They glow in darkest night  
That face, that face  
That masquerade face  
We never would give in  
Scarred cheeks, thin neck, wrong chin  
Will surely do us in

We must be smart  
And show our hearts  
When he's within a mile  
Our hands are up  
We're out of luck  
He'd kill us with a smile

That face, that face  
That distorted face  
It's clear we must beware  
We're certain if he falls in love  
We're lost without a trace  
But it's worth it...  
For that face

_Christine  
_That voice, that voice  
That angelic voice  
It melts my Swedish heart

_Phangirls  
_We're certain if he falls in love  
We're lost without a trace...

_Erik  
_But it's worth it for...  
That face


	58. Playing with the Bad Guy's Now

**My but it has been a while, hasnt it my dears? At any rate, too much time looking up Disney Villian love on youtube brought this little imp to mind. Because let's face it. Villains have and always will have the greatest sex appeal. And while I'm aware that not all the members of this song are "Evil" in the traditional sense, and that a number of them are malformed Disney representations of thier true selves (I'm looking at you Hades...ok you're still pretty hot as a cartoon) they all still have that sneering charisma that sets the power hungry bad guys and gals apart. Set to the tune of "Playing with the Big Boys now" from the Prince of Egypt. Enjoy.**

_Evil Fangirls_  
By the power of Scar...  
Hook...Todd...Vader...Jafar...  
Jadis...Erik...Lecter...Saxon...  
Joker...Jareth...Lucius...Tremaine...  
Severus...Dragulis...  
Shan Yu...Maleficent...Lestat...Sherlock...  
Yzma...Hades...  
Scar...Hook...Todd...Jafar...  
Lestat...Sherlock...Joker...Jareth...  
Frollo...Lucius...Vader...Tremaine...  
Yzma...Hades...Jadis...Erik...Scar...

_Jafar_  
So you think you're a prince from high places  
With the power to call us low scum  
Well, forgive us these sneers on our faces  
You'll know what evil is when we are done  
Son...

_Erik_  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
Playing with the bad guys now (Oh that's vicious)  
Ev'ry wicked gesture  
Tells you we're the worst, you're  
Playing with the bad guys now

_Hades_  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
Cease this righteous mission  
Watch a true cruel villain  
Give an execution how  
Pick up your silly toy, boy  
You're playing with the bad guys now!

_Evil Fangirls_  
By the power of Scar  
Hook, Todd, Vader, Jafar  
Lecter, Saxon, Joker, Jareth  
Severus, Dragulis  
Lestat, Sherlock, Maleficent, Hades...

_Dracula_  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
By this final chorus  
You will fall before us  
Kneel to our villainous power...  
You try to run  
You try to fight  
And just to show we feel great spite  
You can feed our parasite  
But first, boy, it's time to bow  
(Kowtow!)  
For it's your own grave you've dug, boy  
You're playing with the bad guys now  
Playing with the bad guys  
Now!


End file.
